I walked into what would be called a hole in the wall comedy club. Okay, maybe more of comedy gathering. My friend Heather Horton, aka HeatherHo, was performing standup. I know Heather from her amazing improv group In Rare Form which I’m certain you’ve seen me tweet about countless times. The experience was, well, an experience. One in which I hope I never step foot in Tustin, CA again. Let me tell you a little about it.
The show was sponsored and put together by a married couple. I don’t have any recollection of their names and it’s probably better that way. We’ll call them Norm and Sissy. While I was waiting for my lovely, funny, talented friend Jamie to show up I made the mistake of sitting in the “theater” alone and play with my iPad. Keep in mind I just got my iPad so I didn’t want to leave it in the car. I wasn’t trying to show it off or anything. Just wanted to be in peace until my friends arrived.
Minutes after I arrived and sat in my seat the “REGULARS” started to show. You name it, Tustin had it.
- Old Jewish woman in purple track suit.
- Stoner dude with nasty hoodie and sweat pants.
- Old dude that seemed like he rolled off the streets. Passing out off and on through out the show.
- Girl with walker because she’s fat, titty tat, and mother whom takes care of her.
- Norm and Sissy (creators) whom set rules about no profanity. What the F???
There were more people at the show but I’d rather my brain not exploding. Now while I sat and waited patiently I decided to read a book on my iPad. BIG MISTAKE! The moment I did that it brought out curious George. Questions started flying. One of the people behind me started asking about it and why is it so cool? Now if you knew me then you’d know I could talk hours about Apple, but I did just work the iPad launch. So politely I said, “well it’s just an awesome asset for my business and..”, the douche, I mean dude quickly cuts me off. “Oh so your a business man? Well sorrrrrry”. I responded, “No it’s fine I’m just into marketing and I talked all day about it because I work at Apple”. Boy he apparently didn’t like that response. His dogs he had with him started barking, “Well fuck you then”. I couldn’t believe these people. Bunch of trash. I’m just there supporting a friend and I’m getting hassled. Ridiculous.
My friends finally arrive to save the awkward situation my new technology got me into. Jamie and Jeff both sit next to me and take my mind off of the rif raf that happened minutes before.
A few comedians go up on stage after finding out TMI about the MC and his one testicle. Finally what I was there to see. HeatherHo jumps up and does her thing. Her opening is cute and fits her character brilliantly.
“I may have a date this weekend; it’s lookin’ pretty good too ‘cuz I just got my hedge-clippers sharpened at the Home Depot”
Her 10 minutes goes by in what felt like 3. The audience seemed to like it because it was less on the raunchy side. Of course Norm probably had a hard on knowing not one swear came out of her mouth.
Now the shit hits the fan. Guess who comes up next? Yeah, you guessed it. Dog #1 followed by dog #2. I was like FML. The first talked about her being a single mother and her kids not knowing who the fathers were. Wow, classy. The second wasn’t much better. She was a 50 something, botox addict that still acts like she’s 24. Not your typical Jewish woman. Oh but that’s not all. Wouldn’t you know there was just one more act? Not only the last act but the headliner. For those of you who have never been to a comedy show, the headlining comedian gets 20 minutes. FML again. This guy is sloppy as all hell. Profanity flying like crazy making Norm and Sissy squirm, meanwhile turning on the dogs in the back row. Mid through his act he takes a shot at me and my iPad. Literally points right at me and says, “You’ve got an attitude”. Umm, what? What a moron.
Finally it was over, I made it out. Probably the worst experience at a comedy show I’ve had. Not sure if I would recommend my enemies to go to one of those shows. Jamie told me Tustin is actually a nice place. Maybe one day Ill go back and review the city. Maybe not.
Check out HeatherHo via her Twitter or Website
Oh and follow me as too :) @JoesDaily
PS: Hey asshole comedian. If you read this I just wanted to inform you that I typed this post on my iPad. Suck it!
